Thursday, November 02, 2006

Should I Give My Spouse Another Chance?

When people get caught in the act of cheating, more than likely they immerse themselves in an apologetic phase where they are extremely sorry for what they did. But the motivation behind people cheating cannot be controlled that easily, and promises of fidelity may not be enough.

Worse case scenario: you have just discovered that your spouse was cheating. The question that we are going to deal with is ‘what do you do now?’ Usually when a cheater has been uncovered, the partner of said cheater wants some sort of guarantee – a promise – that something like this will never happen again. While wanting reassurance is quite understandable, it’s very unrealistic. In most cases there are some things that lead people to cheat that are working on a subconscious level, and unless those things are changed, infidelity is more likely to happen again in spite of what your partner promised.

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In addition, let’s say you make your mate swear to be faithful, and they end up cheating again, your partner will most likely try even harder to conceal it this time around. People do not like being punished or disappointing others, so they naturally try to get around it via deception.

Of course, change is not impossible, or cosigning on having lowered expectation. However, It would be wise to be realistic: change is hard, and mistakes are made on the road to change. Regrettably it is much easier to expect a spouse to change than it is to accept the fact that changing will not be an easy task.

So ask not of yourself, ‘will my spouse be faithful in the future?’ But, ‘Can I go through this pain again if the change is not immediate? Is my relationship worth running the risk of being cheated on again?’ That is the first hard step in knowing weather to give your mate a second chance, or not.

I suggest that you keep in mind that the grass is not always greener, and the problems you experience in this relationship, may be the same problems you experience in another relationship. Sometimes it is better to work out issues with someone we know, versus someone new. Also, if your partner has been caught cheating, counseling is a fantastic step on the road to having a healthy relationship again.

What do you think?
Click the comments button to the lower right side of this post and tell me.

See you Next time,
-Drew Bryant


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