Question & Answers Part 2

"Drew,

I have a serious dilemma, and I need your help. My live in boyfriend just cheated on me with one of his colleagues, and understandably our relationship hasn’t been the same since. I am very much in love with him, and I’ve decided that I want to make a serious attempt at trying to repair things before giving up. I want to forgive and forget, but I just can’t seem to get over it.

I don’t have all the answers. And per your advice, I want to get to the root of the problem, and figure out why he did what he did. He doesn’t want me to rehash it – but I can’t move on – I need to know the truth. I am starting to feel like I’m dwelling on the situation, and that even though things are fine now, it may happen again.

I can admit I am a jealous person. I have pushed him away, and accused him of cheating before he actually did. Did I just get what I deserved? He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but I don’t know how to get things back to the way they were.

Sincerely,

Danielle K."

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Editor's Note:
What would you tell Danielle? Press the comment button at the lower right of this post and let her know. You can help people too. =)
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Danielle,

This is indeed a serious problem. In order for you to move on, you need to hear enough of what happened. Until you are satisfied you have heard the complete truth, you will always wonder. Those doubts will get the best of you, and make you focus on this more than it should. It may also bring about new insecurities, or self doubts.

More than likely, your boyfriend does not want to go into detail about what happened. That, however, makes it harder for the person that was cheated on to get what they need to have closure on the situation.

My advice to you would be for you both to visit a counselor. Most people do not have the communication skills necessary to resolve the complex feelings tied into a situation like this. When talking to the counselor, be sure to mention the feelings of insecurity you’re experiencing. That can put a huge strain on the relationship, and it will just lead to more problems.

Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant

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