Are They Really Cheating? Or...

Are you a jealous person, and looking for a way to deal? Is there constant worry, and insecurity in your heart? That is not the way you want to go through your relationships. In fact, having occasional jealousy is perfectly normal, but daily suspicions that go uncontrolled can destroy a relationship. As a matter of fact, many research studies are dedicated to the effects of jealousy, and how it is hard to cope with it.

Jealousy and insecurities are usually irrational, get the best of you, and ruin your relationship. Jealousy and insecurity can make you compare yourself to your competition, feel their position is threatened, and imagine a worse case scenario: Their partner will leave them for someone else more this or less that.

Not only does jealousy eat away at a person, it also manifests itself in a hyper negative light. The innocent coincidences in life get turned into long strings of paranoid misinterpretations. For example, if a phone call isn’t returned right away, a chronically jealous individual will jump to the conclusion that their partner is cheating, doesn’t love them, or is avoiding them purposely. Sound exaggerated? It’s actually very common.

This thinking then leads to more of the same, turning the envy into more envy, and doubt into more doubt. Not only does that fuel “the jealous one,” it also drives the person being attacked to the brink. Being around a jealous person is a trying situation. No one likes to have every thing they do turned into a negative event or a big deal. When in a relationship with the insecure person, you could be having fun one minute, then in trouble the next. In addition, jealous people are usually needy, controlling, and invasive.

So what is the end result? The people in a relationship where a jealous person is involved both end up losing a bit of their sanity, and “the jealous one” usually makes the other person pull away, or close up to avoid the regular drama. The bottom line: Jealousy creates space, distrust, and resentment in a relationship. Work on getting your insecurities in line – that’s the first big step in combating the urge to be “the jealous one.”

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We can all be jealous sometimes. Do you question rather your feelings are true or shrug it off as jealousy? Well did you know that statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. Click Here Now To Find Out If You're Right.

Your Friend,
-Drew Bryant

Why Does My Spouse Continue To Cheat?

When people get caught red handed in the act of cheating they usually launch into a tirade of varying ‘I’m sorries’ that are all in vain. The urge to cheat is a complex situation, and just saying “Whoops! My mistake” is nowhere near getting at the root of the problem.

If you want to change, or want someone to change, you must determine what lead to the deceit in the first place. In regard to cheating and infidelity, what led the person to the betrayal?
Was there too much temptation? Were they looking for excitement? Pin point what they were feeling that motivated them to go there.

After you have found what their motivation was, focus on the factors that caused them to feel this way so changes can be made to prevent it from happening again. If they had too much opportunity to cheat, they shouldn’t go out all the time without you. If there were problems in the relationship, go to counseling to straighten out those problems. But it may not be that simple…there can be other factors such as genetics, level of attractiveness, risk taking that can all affect weather someone is likely to cheat, making change more difficult.

The bottom line is that unless you change the underlying problems, or ignore them, the infidelity will probably happen again. So, once a cheater, always a cheater? Usually. Does it have to be that way? No. Change is hard and takes a lot of effort and insight, but it is not impossible.
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We can all be jealous sometimes. Do you question rather your feelings are true or shrug it off as jealousy? Well did you know that statistics say that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct and 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right. Click Here Now To Find Out If You're Right.

Best Regards,
Drew Bryant

Question & Answers Part 2

"Drew,

I have a serious dilemma, and I need your help. My live in boyfriend just cheated on me with one of his colleagues, and understandably our relationship hasn’t been the same since. I am very much in love with him, and I’ve decided that I want to make a serious attempt at trying to repair things before giving up. I want to forgive and forget, but I just can’t seem to get over it.

I don’t have all the answers. And per your advice, I want to get to the root of the problem, and figure out why he did what he did. He doesn’t want me to rehash it – but I can’t move on – I need to know the truth. I am starting to feel like I’m dwelling on the situation, and that even though things are fine now, it may happen again.

I can admit I am a jealous person. I have pushed him away, and accused him of cheating before he actually did. Did I just get what I deserved? He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but I don’t know how to get things back to the way they were.

Sincerely,

Danielle K."

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Editor's Note:
What would you tell Danielle? Press the comment button at the lower right of this post and let her know. You can help people too. =)
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Danielle,

This is indeed a serious problem. In order for you to move on, you need to hear enough of what happened. Until you are satisfied you have heard the complete truth, you will always wonder. Those doubts will get the best of you, and make you focus on this more than it should. It may also bring about new insecurities, or self doubts.

More than likely, your boyfriend does not want to go into detail about what happened. That, however, makes it harder for the person that was cheated on to get what they need to have closure on the situation.

My advice to you would be for you both to visit a counselor. Most people do not have the communication skills necessary to resolve the complex feelings tied into a situation like this. When talking to the counselor, be sure to mention the feelings of insecurity you’re experiencing. That can put a huge strain on the relationship, and it will just lead to more problems.

Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant

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Don't forget that if you'd like to ask a question you can email it here. You can also get exclusive information not avalible at the blog in my ecourse, You can go to http://www.HowToSpotACheatIn10Days.com
to grab the ecourse.

Be part of the 25,000+ people who have discovered the truth about their cheating lovers. You can end the pain and insecurity today! Click Here if you'd like to know more.

Question & Answers Part 1

"Dear Drew,

My girlfriend of one year recently cheated on me. My heart was broken, but she came and said she was sorry, and we were starting to move on with our relationship. But, I still wasn’t secure that the things that happened between us were really over, or what. She reassured me that everything was fine, but I still wasn’t convinced. Well, I got her to be totally honest, and she told me that she still speaks to the other guy. Her reason for keeping in touch with him is because sometimes she wants someone to talk to. I love her very much, and I don’t want our relationship to end, but I don’t think I can tolerate her talking to this guy. I have been reading every post on your blog, and I signed up for the eCourse, and it has helped in so many ways...I just do not know how to handle this. Please give me some advice on what I should do.

Thanks in advance,

Stuck in love "

Dear Stuck,

First I’d like to thank you for writing in to me, and apologize for the hurt you’re going through.

People tend to do what is rewarding on one level or another. So, your girlfriend must be getting something out of talking to him; it must be rewarding on an emotional level. Usually, that emotional pleasure is at an unconscious level.

So, if your girlfriend is still talking to this guy, then she must like this contact with him, and can’t really explain why…to you or herself. So here are the facts: She cheated on you, you found out, she maintains contact with this guy, and she lies to you about it. So the real problem may not be you not knowing how to handle it, it may be that your girlfriend has feelings for you and someone else. How can you get a person to change their feelings toward someone?

Sometimes, in relational problems, you can’t talk it out. Sometimes, the answers aren’t the ones we want to hear – don’t try and invest too much energy in a problem you can’t fix. You can tell your girlfriend she has a choice to make, and you can influence that choice, but it is still up to her to decide what she wants.

Best of Luck,
Drew Bryant
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What would you tell stuck? Press the comment button and let him know. Also don't forget that if you'd like to ask a question feel free to email me here. You can also get exclusive information not avalible at the blog in my ecourse, You can go to http://www.HowToSpotACheatIn10Days.com
to grab the ecourse.

Should I Give My Spouse Another Chance?

When people get caught in the act of cheating, more than likely they immerse themselves in an apologetic phase where they are extremely sorry for what they did. But the motivation behind people cheating cannot be controlled that easily, and promises of fidelity may not be enough.

Worse case scenario: you have just discovered that your spouse was cheating. The question that we are going to deal with is ‘what do you do now?’ Usually when a cheater has been uncovered, the partner of said cheater wants some sort of guarantee – a promise – that something like this will never happen again. While wanting reassurance is quite understandable, it’s very unrealistic. In most cases there are some things that lead people to cheat that are working on a subconscious level, and unless those things are changed, infidelity is more likely to happen again in spite of what your partner promised.

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Editor's Note:
Haven't managed to catch your spouse yet? Well Edward Talurdey's "How To Catch Your Cheating Lover" has helped over 25,000 people do just that. Click here to check it out.
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In addition, let’s say you make your mate swear to be faithful, and they end up cheating again, your partner will most likely try even harder to conceal it this time around. People do not like being punished or disappointing others, so they naturally try to get around it via deception.

Of course, change is not impossible, or cosigning on having lowered expectation. However, It would be wise to be realistic: change is hard, and mistakes are made on the road to change. Regrettably it is much easier to expect a spouse to change than it is to accept the fact that changing will not be an easy task.

So ask not of yourself, ‘will my spouse be faithful in the future?’ But, ‘Can I go through this pain again if the change is not immediate? Is my relationship worth running the risk of being cheated on again?’ That is the first hard step in knowing weather to give your mate a second chance, or not.

I suggest that you keep in mind that the grass is not always greener, and the problems you experience in this relationship, may be the same problems you experience in another relationship. Sometimes it is better to work out issues with someone we know, versus someone new. Also, if your partner has been caught cheating, counseling is a fantastic step on the road to having a healthy relationship again.

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What do you think?
Click the comments button to the lower right side of this post and tell me.

See you Next time,
-Drew Bryant